Cringe: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Enjoyment: ⭐
A Black Cougar high on cocaine escapes an animal testing facility and wreaks havoc on Los Angeles.
Introduction#
Cocaine Cougar is a 2023 horror film directed and written by Dustin Ferguson. At 50 minutes, it is very short for a feature film, and this write-up will necessarily be pretty minimal. The cast and crew for Cougar are also quite limited, this is definitely a low-budget indie film which is shot completely on location in or around Los Angeles. It does, however, star the venerable Dawna Lee Heising, an actress famous for being in 100s of films and having an extreme amount of plastic surgery. This isn’t meant as a knock against her, having watched a couple interview, she seems like a very nice person, but her appearance does bear an ill omen for Cocaine Cougar.
After the massive hit that was Cocaine Bear, very loosely based on a true story, it was inevitable that a number of Cocaine X films would pop up. Cocaine Cougar is one of these. The premise is not much different from the original; A wild animal gets it’s hands on some cocaine and all hell breaks loose. This premise has plenty of room for cheesy action horror (AKA entertainment), so let’s find out if Cougar hits the mark!
Plot#
Cocaine Cougar open with an unnecessarily long intro and credits sequence. We start off with a metal theme song, evidently recorded specifically for the film. It’s a cool touch, but, again, goes on far too long and doesn’t really fit in the film. The intro sequence is partially set against what appears to be stock footage of a vet clinic or animal shelter. This part is probably the most unsettling/creepy part of the film, with some nice analog effects and fancy editing.
Once the intro is finally done, we’re greeted by a pseudo-news broadcast from an unbranded TV station. The anchors inform us that a black cougar has escaped from some facility in LA, and people should be careful. These will be a recurring item throughout the film, where the anchors provide us with an update each time something notable happens. I actually like this style of storytelling, but it feels very low effort here.
Cougar follows a rather strict pattern after the opening. There are one or more scenes which introduce characters, followed by at least of those people being mauled by the cougar. Then, we have a title card with the current time, another news broadcast, and the cycle repeats. Unfortunately, most of the segments really fall flat. Firstly, it’s impossible to really care about a character when they at most a couple minutes of uninspired screen-time. Secondly, the scenes where people are getting mauled by this cougar are just objectively bad.
For some reason, each person ends up venturing out into the forest or urban jungle, then there is a scene which is meant to simulate the crazed cougar’s vision. What we get is a very red-tinted image, where the camera is held low and, I guess, meant to mimic the viewpoint of a Cougar. Over this image is the most hilarious sound effects I’ve ever heard. At first is sounds kind of vaguely what you imagine a cougar growling might sound like, but then you realize it’s just a person with some kind of filter applied. It got a good chuckle out of me each time, and was easily the most enjoyable part of the film.
Review#
Cocaine Cougar is a film entirely made in order to cash in on the success of Cocaine Bear. Unfortunately, it falls flat on every front. The production, direction, writing, acting, and special effects are all terrible. And, I’m sad to report this isn’t one of those so-bad-its-good endeavours. It’s just bad. Especially egregious is animation for the titular Cocaine Cougar.
Another thing that’s a little odd is the ending, or rather, lack thereof. The film just sort of ends at some point. There is not resolution, setup for a sequel, or really anything. The credits just start rolling. If you take into account the beginning and ending credits, this 50 minute film is actually only 35 minutes or so of content. Even then, about 5 minutes of that time is taken by a completely out of place montage of a theme park. So, you’re left with a 30 minute feature film, which is either a half hour too long or an hour too short, depending on your point of view.
Cringe 5/5: Cougar is the first film I’ve looked at for the Den which earns the highest possible cringe rating. Everything about it is just awful, cringy, and there aren’t really any redeeming qualities, except perhaps the cougar growling sound effects.
Enjoyment 1/5: I absolutely didn’t enjoy any aspect of this viewing experience. It has zero entertainment and value value as far as I’m concerned. Don’t waste your time with Cocaine Cougar.